How do you find positivity during a life changing event? In this Women’s Live’s, Women’s Voice’ feature Jen shares her story and journey of working through a traumatic loss, to engaging in a new personal venture and raising awareness for victims of domestic violence.
Here’s my story. It isn’t always a happy one but I hope you can see, as I did, that there are still glimmers of hope to be found during the darkest hours of our lives. My journey to this moment started at Christmas 2018. You see I now find my life has split into parts. Before what happened and after. Back then I had just made the decision to return home after spending a few years living and working in Spain. I had an amazing time while I was there and I am so glad to have had the opportunity to meet all the wonderful people and make all the fantastic memories that I did.
The reason I moved home was that my partner and I were expecting our first child and we decided that we wanted to live close to family so moving home was an easy decision. When I came back home I was around 7 months pregnant and eagerly awaiting the new arrival. Christmas came and went and I was adjusting to my life back in Ireland.
Everything changed on 4th January 2019. I think we often float through life thinking we are invincible and nothing shocking or devastating is ever going to affect us. It’s not an easy thing to write or for that matter read but my sister Jasmine was murdered.
Now I’m sure we have all heard about the stages of grief. Probably from the hundreds of Hollywood movies that like to portray this process over and over again. To be honest I am not sure it works in the way in which it has been made out to.
I think when something this life altering happens you never really make your way through all the so called “stages”. The shock of what had happened is something that our family will never be able to fathom and neither our community or country for that matter. But in terms of my own personal story I was in a serious state of shock and at this point 8 months pregnant.
I think that one of the main things that helped me and everyone around me during this time was the fact that I was pregnant. The fact that I had to stay calm and focus on the baby. And that’s what we did.
The next 6 or 7 weeks were an absolute blur. During this time one of my sister’s beautiful children came to live with me. I had never in a million years imagined that I would become a mother to a toddler all the while pregnant for the first time. My entire life had changed.
Then on the 21st of February almost 2 weeks later than he was supposed to and on the day after my sister Jasmine’s birthday, my son arrived. It was another whirlwind. I guess he was quite content not coming into the world just yet and in the end, I had to have an emergency cesarean.
So now I was really on another planet. I had gone from living an easy life teaching English in Spain to dealing with trauma and grief, becoming a mother to 2 kids and recovering from a major surgery. I don’t know how but I just kept on living my life even though I was dealing with all the stress that was constantly being thrown at myself and my family.
When the fog of our lives started to lift a bit, my mother and I decided that we wanted to start a social media page in order to keep people thinking about my sister and to help keep her memory alive. We started SmileForJasmine and received a huge response from the public which was amazing. We have continued with the page and have organised many events since raising funds for various charities in my sisters memory.
I realised while we were thinking of ideas and posting to the page that it made me feel good. Or distracted me at least. I needed something of my own. Something that could draw me away from thinking about everything going on in my life, something positive. So, I thought about it. What makes me happy? Simple. The kids. That little girl becoming my daughter and my son being born were two of the main things that got me through everything. Once I knew the subject I had to figure out what the actual idea was…
It happened like this. I woke up one morning and it was there in my mind. IrishMamaBuys. I don’t know how it got there but it’s one of those moments when you dream or wake up with a really good idea and usually you just think “Hey that’s a great thought” and then fall back asleep. But this time that wasn’t the case. I thought some more and decided that I was going to start my very own “Mum Blog” with a focus on product reviews and tips from my own experience as a mum.
On that very day, I set up my website, my Facebook and my Instagram and the rest as they say is history. I started up in August last year and it has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. It has given me so much. The distraction as I previously mentioned is a wonderful thing to have, it’s a way of keeping my brain focused, I love the satisfaction of helping other people, the chance to talk to other like-minded women, a way of venting my feelings and a great sense of achievement.
My life will never be the same. I have had to find ways to move forward. IrishMamaBuys has been a huge part of this. I don’t know where the journey with it will lead or who I might meet along the way and that’s ok. I hope that people who are part of my little IrishMamaBuys world get something positive from it too. Maybe they get some help with something as simple as what bib to buy, perhaps they get chatting to other women about everyday challenges mums face or maybe they even get inspired to create their own blog or business.
Whatever it is I am grateful. Grateful to everyone who has helped me grow and share my little passion project. I hope you can understand now how much my “mum blog” really does mean to me.
If you or any one you know have been effected by domestic violence or need to seek advise you can find support with the following organisations-
Donegal Domestic Violence Services, 24-hour helpline 1800 262677 and talk with a trained worker. You can also message them on Facebook or Whats App (0873812438 – GameOnDonegal)
Women’s Aid, 1800 341 900 National Freephone Helpline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week