Why doesn’t she just leave him?

In this Women’s Live’s, Women’s Voice’ feature in support of the 16 days of action campaign  Donegal local Jenna talks about the issue of domestic abuse, highlighting why it’s so important to understand the realities of victims and survivors.


Did you know Ireland is currently taking part in the annual International campaign known as the 16 Days of Action? This internationally recognised campaign runs from 25th November (UN Day For the Elimination of Violence against Women) to 10th December 2020 (International Human Rights Day). It is a campaign used to highlight the issue of gender based violence and an organising strategy by individuals and organisations around the world to call for the prevention and elimination of violence against women and girls. (UN Women)

Gender-Based Violence refers to “violence that is directed against a person on the basis of gender or sex and includes acts that inflict physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other denials of freedom” (cosc.ie)

And while both men and women can experience gender based violence the reality however remains that in 2020 it is women and girls who are disproportionately affected by this violence. With 1 in 4 women in Ireland having experienced domestic abuse by a current or former partner. (Women’s Aid)


Why doesn’t she just leave him?

By nature people are quick to form judgments. Have you ever sat just drinking a coffee and watching strangers pass by as you contemplate what kind of people they may be? I think it’s normal for us to create stories in our minds now and again about the lives of others and the characteristics they may possess.

Or maybe you can think of a time when you have read or watched a news story on television and had speculated about those involved and how they might have found themselves in a certain situation.

We take in what we can see in front of us and somehow our brains begin to connect the dots and form opinions about people. Maybe in some cases we judge correctly but in others we are just guessing without any real depth of knowledge.

Perhaps it is something we can teach ourselves to refrain from doing. Maybe sometimes we need to take a step back and really truly think about the person we are making the assumptions about.

“Before you judge my life, my past or my character, walk in my shoes, walk the path I have travelled, live my sorrow, my doubts, my fear, my pain and my laughter” – Unknown

After my sister’s death last year I learned a lot of life lessons that I’d never imagined I would have to. I had to face things that I would never have dreamed could have happened to our family. I definitely learned that we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives and the difficulties they face.

Since Jasmine died I think that people feel as though they can talk to me about their own problems more so than a person who hasn’t experienced this tragedy. Through this difficult journey I have had several women talk to me about their past experiences with domestic violence or the current situation that they are in.

I truly don’t think that enough people are aware of the extent of people who are having to deal with gender based violence in their lives. So many of the victims who I have spoken to are probably the women who society would ‘never expect’ would find themselves in a situation like that. But unfortunately this type of violence is happening more than we think.

Why doesn’t she just leave him? A question that has probably been asked a million times. Maybe to some people this is a logical question. Just walk away. Simple? Every million times this question is asked there are another million responses as to why this question isn’t in fact helpful or logical.

When I was asked to take part in 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence I knew that I had to take this opportunity to share some of the reasons that the women I have spoken to share with me.

One of the reasons that came up over and over again was because of the children.

“A mother will do almost anything to protect her child and I stayed because I didn’t know what could happen if I tried to leave.” – Lady 1

“I felt as though I was trapped and if I moved then my children would be in danger” – Lady 2

Another reason that we discussed was the guilt that the victim is made to feel.

“I stayed with him because he said he was going to kill himself and it would be all my fault ” – Lady 3

This type of threat was also used against a victim but while adding the extra danger by involving the child. “I stayed with him because he threatened to kill himself or run away with our daughter if I left” – Lady 4

Other reasons why these women stayed included an immense sense of fear. A feeling of shame about the situation they are in and also financial constraints. If they left, where would they go, how could they leave without the money to escape.

But all of the victims I spoke to did express something that it is so important, that gender based violence becomes something that people are more aware of. That questions and judgmental statements aren’t helpful in preventing it from happening. Awareness is key and in order to help these people we must understand that everything isn’t always black and white and there are so many factors involved in these extremely dangerous circumstances.

So why doesn’t she just leave him? It’s most definitely not that simple.


Please know you are not alone, there are people you can talk to. If you or any one you know have been effected by domestic abuse you can find support with the following services;

Local county wide support in Donegal 

Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service is a frontline service providing crisis accommodation, 24 hr helpline, support (1800262677) and information and outreach service throughout the County to women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.

Donegal Women’s Centre operate a domestic violence counselling service delivered in the Donegal Women’s Centre with outreach centres in, Killybegs, Ballyshannon, Falcarragh, Dungloe and Carndonagh. Call 074 91 24985 for appointment or more information


National support in Ireland

Women’s Aid Ireland Freephone Helpline (1800 341 900) operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and provides support and information to callers experiencing abuse from intimate partners.

Safe Ireland You can find a list of County services across Ireland here.

Men’s Aid Ireland is a service for men who are experiencing domestic violence. You can call them on 01 554 3811or email hello@mensaid.ie.
Their helpline is open Monday to Friday, from 9am to 5pm.

The National Office for Victims of Abuse provides assistance, support and advice for people in abusive relationships. Freephone 1800 252 524.

Anyone who may wish to report or discuss an incident of Domestic or Sexual Violence can contact 112/999 or their local Garda Station.


NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.

A Life Transformed From The Soul

In this Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices feature, Donegal Town Local Theresa Morrow, wife mother and grandmother speaks about her faith and how she has found peace and joy from within amongst the most challenging and arduous of times.


In the midst of life’s trials and with the added unexplainable Covid-19, I want to share with you a beautiful story of Love, Forgiveness, and Faith.

As women we seem to be relied upon by others and carry the heavy burden of responsibility, caring for children, husband, parents, friends, career, home, school, etc.

I have been blessed in so many ways, but if I am honest there were times when I would have loved to run and hide from it all, hoping to escape the entire world, so I would for once not feel responsible for any of it.

Four years ago, this January, our Grandson was born with congenital heart defect, this is a life-threatening condition. Between life’s trials and total helplessness in the current situation I literally fell on my knees one night and sobbed to God  “ If your there God show me the way, Please God show me the way” at the same time repenting of things I felt may have offended God in  my life, I got up washed my face got on with my day, not realising what God was about to do in my life.

I met a lady a few days later that told me God had changed her life through spending time in scripture reading and studying The Bible. I immediately was drawn to this Bible study, where remarkably to me I got such peace from the promise and assurance that God had heard my cry. As I read the scriptures it made sense, Jesus died for me and was alive in heaven waiting on me to invite him into my heart to have a relationship with him, now it must be my move, as he had given us free will to follow him or not our choice. As soon as I asked him to be Lord of my Life, and when I let the barriers down and opened my heart, he filled me with The Love of God and in turn that love in me radiates out to others, I feel joy and a peace as he promised, compassion ,kindness, better able to understand the struggles people carry, and wanting them to receive this wonderful free gift of Grace from God in his son Jesus Christ.


Life still holds its daily struggles, but there is a great comfort of walking with The Saviour daily. His love is there from the beginning and will be there for all eternity. He says he comes to heal the sick, mend the broken hearts, give comfort and an abundant life. My Grandson still had hospital appointments, surgery, but whatever happens God used him to bring Light into our hearts where there was darkness and fear for his future and ours, now I know we are held in God’s love.

I now see the fruits of how faith has transformed the life of others, also family members who believe and have surrendered to the Saviour of The World. We may blame others and their short comings for our own utter despair, not knowing what is missing until we receive it. This gift of Grace has been given to me by God our creator and Heavenly Father, it is by asking that we receive it is by listening that we hear.

Most of all I feel a deep sense of Peace, Joy, Trust and Faith. I am divinely led and feel divinely protected on my daily walk in this world.

God gave us eternal life through his son Jesus and promised to send all who receive and walk with him His Holy Spirit. When The Holy Spirit connects with our spirit we are then complete in person and are now his children, all his Blessings pour into our lives on earth also the gift of assurance of salvation in death. In Christ I have found what was missing in my life, an emptiness that no one or nothing else could fill.

It didn’t happen overnight it is not a sprint but a beautiful marathon of learning understanding and knowing, that will be with you for the rest of your life.

We can have all the religion in the world and still not know Our Heavenly Father and Saviour. This is the power of God at work in our everyday lives all that is required is an open heart and a seeking soul. Jesus said “I am the way the truth and the life nobody comes to the Father except through me”.


If you feel inspired by what I have shared, there is a number of Bible readings, studying the word together and growing in understanding of God. Bible Study takes place in The Mustard Seed Donegal Town, Ard na Breatha Donegal Town, Community Centre Ardara, Bride Church Bruckless, Ballintra, Donegal Town, Letterkenny, Donegal  Group of Parishes etc.etc.

There are numerous Bible studies available on zoom during Covid 19, details through email address below, also Alpha Course by Nicky Gumbel available as group studies.

I also made a CD of my experience to glorify God and help lead you to this gift of Grace, it is free for anyone who would like a copy. You can email me at info@ardnabreatha.com for more information.

Thank you

Theresa x


NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.

Learn how to feel good about yourself

Since the global outbreak of the Covid-19 the United Nations have identified women as being one of the most vulnerable groups that are being hit hardest by the pandemic. This is also evident locally too.

The results of the NCCWN Donegal Women’s Network, Covid-19 impact survey reveal that 61.1% of women in Donegal feel their mental health had been impacted by Covid-19, with 36.7% of women stating that they have had less time to look after their mental health and wellbeing since March.

The survey further identified lone parents, single women and women living alone were particularly experiencing higher levels of mental health impacts with increased feelings of isolation and loneliness.

As a grassroots women’s organisation NCCWN Donegal seek to response to identified needs where we can.  We are therefore pleased to be taking bookings for the Covid to Calm course for women starting in November.  

This is a FREE 4-week online group course, being offered to young single women (26-40yrs) in an evening session starting on Wednesday 4th November, 7.30-9.00pm, and lone parent mothers (26-40yrs) in a morning session starting on Thursday 5th November, 10.30am-12pm.

The aim of this course is to support women in their health and wellness, promoting personal development, well-being and positive mental health. This course will be interactive, with talks, presentations, videos, groups discussion and many other activities.

If you would like to sign up for this course please fill our online form here https://forms.gle/kyWSDCCTLaVRki8g9

For further information please contact NCCWN Donegal Women’s Network by email on donegalwomensnetwork@gmail.com. Booking is essential, book early to avoid disappointment.

This course is funded by Donegal ETB Community Education Support Programme.

We hope to offer further courses like this in 2021 to support more women in Donegal. If you don’t fit into the November course criteria please drop us an email if you would be interested in any future courses.

When one door closes another opens

NCCWN-Donegal Women’s Network are pleased to be taking bookings for the FREE Women in the Home New Beginnings Course which will start 7th October.

Places are limited so booking is essential, to sign up please fill out this online form here https://forms.gle/7iQJXtuBRnQmM6DU7

This is a 8 week online course commencing on Wednesday 7th October 2020, 10am-1pm and will be facilitated by Leading Life Coach & Motivational Speaker Emilywhelancoaching


Who is this course for?

  • Women who left the workforce and did not return, for example women who left to start a family
  • Women unemployed and seeking only part-time work
  • Women in unpaid work in the home
  • Women who are unemployed and not looking for immediate paid work, for example, someone full-time at home looking after a young family and/or other dependent
  • Women getting a disability payment

Here is a snippet of the great feedback the course has received from past participants to-date:

“During the class I felt I could forget my problems, and instead used the time to get clarity on my thoughts, goals and plans for the future.”

“I am more confident and I’m thinking good thoughts. Positive things are coming to me. I’ve started doing flowering arranging and I can’t believe people want to buy them from me. This could be a business! I’m exploring many new things, and now I’m never at home!”


The aim of this course is to support women in life-long learning opportunities. Promoting personal development, well-being and positive mental health.

We are delighted that this unique course continues to be supported and funded by DLDC under SICAP.


For further information please contact NCCWN Donegal Women’s Network by email on donegalwomensnetwork@gmail.com or 074 9722790. Booking is essential, book early to avoid disappointment.

This entry was posted on October 1, 2020, in 2020, Course.